Coming Out of the Jewish Closet

September 14, 2010

I may be just writing this as a tool for procrastinating even further on the essay I’m supposed to be currently writing, but I’ll continue anyway, because this is something I feel very passionate about (and by the way, this is going to get messy in parts. I was meaning to write this as an essay about “coming out of the closet of ‘Jewishness’ in a sense, but for some reason, it seemed to get out of hand).

When I first started this blog, I was passionate about my “new-found” faith (if you want to know why it’s in quotes, read my first blog entry and my “about me” page) and I was elated to finally found something that resonated with me. I tried so hard to “be a better” Jew and become more observant. And at one point, I was doing just that. I was getting into my religion, I was davening everyday and attending shul every weekend, and I was making an effort to read the Torah. I was trying to keep Kosher, I was excited to celebrate the High Holy Days, and I was making trying to be tznius. I was doing my best to become a better Jew, and now, all of the sudden, I’m just “normal” again. I don’t do anything, besides wear a Star of David, to give away the fact that I’m a Jew. I’ve decided that this is no longer. My “Ne Year Resolution” (seeing as Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year) is going to be a better Jew. I want to take a new mitzvot on each month (maybe even sooner if I get it down sooner then that). I think I was just feeling too overwhelmed before taking them all on at once. So I will try again, slower this time.

But I’m detracting from what this was supposed to be about.

I’m having trouble coming out of the “Jewish Closet” (as silly as that sounds). I mean, people close to me know that I’m Jewish, and certain others know, too, but I’m afraid to actually go beyond that, for whatever reason, is beyond me. I don’t know, I guess I’m just afraid of all the comments I’ll get. I mean, I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. I’m afraid that if I always wear my Star of David, people who hate Jews won’t want to talk to me, purely because of it. Or if I change my Facebook (for example) religious beliefs to Judaism (right now it’s “Jewish” in hebrew) then some people might say stupid stuff about it either to my face, or behind my back.  I’m really afraid of the flak I’ll get, but I don’t know why. I mean, I’m entirely too proud of my religion in the way that I love it so much, and I’m proud to have “found” a faith that fits perfectly with me, but I’m scared to share what I am. I admire those that can with little effort or care.

I think the whole OneShul and PunkTorah thing will really help me find my place a little more.

I’ll finish this later, and to tide you over until then, I’m giving you my love,

The Jewbie


One Response to “Coming Out of the Jewish Closet”

  1. Coming from someone who grew up Baptist, but then decided not to be one, I can understand the whole not wanting to share about your religious beliefs.

    However, religion, like any other opinion we all have is never going to be accepted by everyone. If someone doesn’t like it, why should you care?

    As long as you are doing what you want to do, and following what you believe is right others (including me) will respect you for you are 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: